I went to London some weeks ago. I, around 1pm, decided to get a spot of lunch. Having found a suitably cheap food store I proceeded to eat my fill. I then encountered a problem, some lunatic has decided to remove all the bins from London.
At first I thought it a conspiracy by tramps as a way to get food from exasperated businessmen who cannot find a bin for their left-overs, thus giving food to the tramps. I soon learnt, however, that this is a new (to me at least) anti-terrorist measure by the Honour(less?)able Gordy B.
Supposedly terrorists will decide to put a bomb in the bin to explode later. Can I just ask, how will they do that? It would have to be a big bomb to do any damage from a bin in the street. Most of the power would probably be deflected upwards instead of outwards thus blowing out a few tissues and banana skins but not much else.
Anyway, I was ambling along Whitehall becoming steadily more frustrated when I passed Downing Street. Upon looking through the anti-terrorist gates I saw a bin next to the policeman’s guard box.
Brazenly I walked up to the bars and politely asked if he – the policeman – would dispose of my refuse. The policeman stood up and gave a look of pure hatred. You could see him thinking, “You little arsehole, I’m gonna have you”.
At that moment however, a group protesting about a bypass somewhere in a corner of the UK nobody cares about, came up. Realising that he couldn’t insult a 16 year old in front of them he forced a smile.
With a grimace he took my litter and saying, “Here to help”, put it in the bin. As we locked eyes he brought up his gun in a implicit threat as if to say, “If you try that stunt again….”
That erstwhile readers is why I plan to, for the near future at least, stay away from Downing Street.
I think you’ll find that the bins were removed a long time ago, after all the IRA problems
so blame John Major.
Really? I’ve never noticed it before. How strange….