All we hear about these days in the papers is anti-social behavior. Chavs, Neds, Pikeys, Scallies, Skeets, call them what you will. They are all arseholes anyway.
Instead of complaining about it, why not do something? The police are under-manned and anyway, whenever they catch someone they have to fill in a mountain of paperwork. We need to take things into our own hands…
“You wish to be a vigilante” I hear you cry, “You wish to illegally punish youths on a whim?”. Well partly, but no.
The all new ‘People’s Police Service’ will patrol in groups of about 5. Each member will carry speedcuffs, a baton, a radio/mobile and some “Farb gel” (Farb gel is a legal incapacitating spray). One ‘Constable’ in each group will carry a camera. When the patrol see some chavs behaving antisocially the procedure will be as follows:
Cameraman starts to film the act as evidence
Patrol Leader shouts out a warning along the lines of “Please cease that antisocial behaviour otherwise we shall be forced to act and will apprehend you using lawful arrest.”
Chavs ignore warning
Warning given a second time. If reinforcements are required they are called up.
The constables advance towards the chavs, incapacitating them, (using spray and batons if needs be) and cuffing them (having seen them in the act, it is legal to use citizens arrest). Note, all constables will be expected to use non-lethal strokes with the baton otherwise you may be outside the law.
They are taken to, and dumped outside, the nearest police station along with the video evidence.
That’s the plan anyway. Soon we could eradicate chavs on our streets in a 100% legal, yet effective, way.
Who is with me?
